Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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