dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
