Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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