If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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