fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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