last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
