ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
