pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
