I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
