Banned from zoo.
Again?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
