he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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