anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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