Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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