he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
