Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
My feet surprised me
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
