We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
