so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
