Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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