If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize