You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
