I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
