I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize