I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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