I am puke
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
