I just found puke in my bra..
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
