so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
