After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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