dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
