I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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