WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
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