Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
