bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
