I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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