Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
