is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
