Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
