It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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