K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
