You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I party with great urgency now.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize