At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
