Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
