Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
