Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
