The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Nicole vs. Life
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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