I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize