Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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