She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize