question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
