Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
