At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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