he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
