Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
