...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
