Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
