people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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