Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
