I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
you made out with another girl for some wings
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
