I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
