No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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