.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize