There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
