there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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