I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
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