I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
